Birthday in Iowa

Last night in Dreamland, Linda was celebrating her birthday--at the State Capitol Building in Des Moines, Iowa of course!
I decided to do something really special for her, so I bought, for $150, a Model A Convertible (shown here) that had rainbow-colored stripes painted on the sides. Karen and I drove it to the Capitol Building, and parked on a fairly steep hill (as the Capitol is on high ground). I set the parking brake, turned the wheels to the curb (hey, I lived near San Francisco, so I know my hills), and left the car.
I was so excited to tell Linda about her gift, but she was, of course, busy with other guests, so I didn't interrupt her. When the time came for the great reveal, I rushed to the car, and it was gone!
Despite my best intentions, it had rolled down the hill and into a car driven by an elderly couple. A police officer was going to give me a ticket for all sorts of violations until I explained to him how I had left it parked.
Needless to say, Linda's party was over by the time I got things sorted out. I am sad to say that Linda never got to see her amazing gift.

View from the Back Seat

Evidently, you never appreciate the size of a giraffe until you see them from the back seat of a car. And, there you have it.

Putting the Electricity in...well, Electricity

Last night in Dreamland, we were looking for a source of electricity, which really made no sense at all because there was a wall outlet with everything needed to provide electricity. But, since it's Dreamland, I guess anything goes.
So, here goes...
We were looking for a sources of electricity, so Linda tells me to take the face plate off the wall socket, and pour some Ranch Dressing "down in there". That will let us know where the electricity might be hiding. After the Ranch Dressing did its' magic, I was told to "drop a chain down there" and pull the electricity up.
And that, folks, is how you get electricity in Dreamland.

Sorry, England

Last night in Dreamland, I advised the Queen of England (Queen Victoria of course) to put down a planned insurrection near Windsor Castle. When we arrived to help, the citizens were oblivious to the coming upheaval, so we sat in the garden of a pub and had a pleasant couple of pints. Nobody seemed to notice she was there!
During the clash with the those who wished to dethrone the queen, we captured a guy who was holding a ball of solid gunk the size and weight of a Christmas pudding--it was divided into 3 sections, and each was labeled with a hand-written tag. One said "dog hair"! He smirked and said that this mass, when mixed together, would be a dirty, destructive, poisonous bomb.
How horrible could a "bomb" that was infused with dog hair be??
I grabbed it out of his hands and through it out into the courtyard of the palace. As it hit the ground with a thud, the three sections splatted together, and it did explode! Brown bits rained down, and everyone ran, coughing, for cover. The brown bit "rain" continued, and...I think he was right--it WAS a dirty, poisonous bomb!
Oops, sorry about that, England.

Hanging with the Family

Last night, I dreamed the whole family got together at an Airbnb. While the others started a fire in the fireplace, Peter gave me a gift he was really excited about a book: "Cowgirl Lesbian Poetry". I had to agree, it was very cool, and I couldn't wait to show Karen.
However, I decided to go for a walk first. I ambled along for 4 or 5 blocks, and then decided to turn around. Off in the distance, I could see a young woman, walking a....horse? Couldn't wait to tell Erika about that! No....it was a llama!!! Even better.
As I hurried back to the Airbnb, I realized I couldn't remember exactly what house it was. I tried the side door of one that looked sort of familiar. Nope. That house belonged to a guy and his (at last count) SEVEN cats. He explained to me that one of the cats had been outside, and he thought it had climbed a tree. He called the fire department, but, as usual, the cat came sauntering in just as the fire truck arrived. I slowly backed out of that house, because I could tell he was a talker, and I would be there all day. Besides, there were just too many cats!! Where were they coming from??
I started back down the street, and found the rest of the family coming toward me. We stopped on a bridge that crossed a lake (A lake? How did I miss that there was a lake behind our house?! Couldn't wait to get back and see the view!). As I started to tell Erika about the woman walking a llama, a huge flock of brown pelicans landed on the lake. We watched as they scooped up mouthfuls of....weeds???
I woke up just before the first pelican started to dump her "catch" on our heads....

Jilted at the Altar

So, the night before last, I dreamed I left a woman just as we were about to be married.

Turns out, I was going to remarry my ex-husband.
At some point, I woke up or just dreamed I woke up, and thought, wait! I don't have to do that either!"








Even in my dreams, I'm pleased to say I save myself for Karen.

Dialing 911

"Hello...9-1-1 Operator? I'd like to report a camel, in my back yard. Yes, a camel. But I'm not too worried--it's a miniature camel, so I don't feel too unsafe. Thank you."

Je suis enseignant

Last night in Dreamland, I decided to make a little extra money by teaching French Immersion Classes.
Hey!
My 3 years of high school French should qualify me, oui?


So, in order to provide a more authentic experience for my students, I transformed our basement....

Into a souk.....

Tres cool, nes pas?
Teacher gets an A!!!

So, I Met the 'Rents

Last night in Dreamland, I finally got to meet Rachel's parents! I felt they finally approved of our relationship, and was so relieved. I passed the "intelligent sparring" test, and her mom was impressed with my witty retorts to her sharp-tongued barbs....
I really felt like we were going to be "allowed to take it to the next level", relationship-wise.
I'd never been to this part of California, and was eager to see the entire house she grew up in. She opened the door to her bedroom, and as I looked in....

I knew this was a deal-breaker! I could never stay in a room without a roof! She was so proud, and I was so...so...horrified.
No. Not even in California would this fly for me....

A Doozy!

Last night in Dreamland was a doozy! I was sent to a Library Conference in Aruba; no idea why, because I'm not a librarian. But hey, it's my dream and I can do what I want...
So, I went to Aruba to this Library Conference to learn how to pick out DVDs for a library (evidently it's harder than I thought!).
I shared a room on the 24th floor with 3 other women, but the room was huge! So big that some male librarians came up to our room and challenged the women to a friendly indoor soccer match. As we moved furniture aside to make room for the "pitch", and the men were looking pretty smug about their victory, I reminded them, "You guys know that most women librarians are lesbians, right?! And they will kick your ass." [Full disclosure--I don't know if that is a fact. But I do know that female librarians are tough. And would win....]
Before we got to play....and really, why weren't we all on the beach by now (oh, I forgot about the librarian's pasty white skin!)....it was time for lunch. And time to meet our entertainment for the evening...
Kate McKinnon.
Who thought I was cool and wanted to hang out with me.
Hey--it's my Dreamland!!