Two Important Messages from Dreamland

 

I learned two very important things last night in Dreamland, and I'm compelled to share them with you this morning.

Number 1:  when getting up to give a speech, a talk, a sermon, a reading...USE THE CLOSEST, EASIEST ROUTE. You know what I'm talking about! If you decide to "take the back stairs", you will be lost in whatever venue you are in. And it will be embarrassing for you as, ten minutes or an hour later, you emerge from that maze of stairs and obstacles and hazards on to the stage.

Number 2:  do NOT allow your "acquaintance" or "long lost friend" to do your yearly "lady parts" check-up (you can stop reading this if you're....not interested). No matter how many they've done "on the side" to supplement their job as artist or airline pilot or whatever. No, this isn't one of those "sexy dreams"--this is "let me remove that 'iffy' bit" and you wake up pissed because you think they tried to kill you.

With these two things in mind, I know you will sleep better tonight than I did last night!

Curly, Texas

 

 

Last night in Dreamland, we went to visit family and friends in Texas. And Texans were obsessed with ALL things curly:

Curly Fries

Curly Apples

Curly Donuts (makes sense--you start with a hole in the middle!). 

Curly kebobs

Not sure what this all meant....maybe I was just hungry? And feeling wavy?

At the end of the dream, I was approached by two total strangers and asked if I had some "sanitized quarters" (quarters dipped in hand sanitizer). I was fresh out, sadly, but then I got to wondering...do I often have total strangers appear in my dreams? And if I do, who the heck are they???

Lizzo

 

Last night in Dreamland, it was today, which totally makes sense in Dreamland. Since it's Friday, I swam. Then Karen, Anna, Kate, and I hustled over to Lizzo's house to see her before she left on tour--because we are her BFFs, I guess. She seemed to have a lot of friends, but because it's MY Dreamland, she liked us best.

We said our good-byes; she wanted us to come with her, but Karen and I have a baby we just must see, so we had to say no...for now. 

I got the biggest hug from Lizzo--don't tell the others, but she loves me best. 

There was also something about my skin peeling, but that's a blog for another day.

LIZZO!!!!

A New Pub!

So, last night in Dreamland, we found out that Beal and Murph were building a new pub!  I was so excited to hear that, because they have good taste in beer, and with Murph's vision, I knew the pub would be beautiful!

My excitement increased when Murph told me their pub would have a 99% alcohol IPA that was fantastic. I couldn't wait to try it!

Our friends were so excited too, looking forward to Beer School in the pub, until...

...we found out this pub was to be a real pub in a real pub place....England!

DNA Doesn't Lie!

 

 

 

Breaking news from Dreamland!! 

DNA testing proves Mitt Romney is MY FATHER!!

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, at the age of 12, Mitt Romney had a one-night stand in Vegas with my mother.

Now, to get some of Daddy's money!

Innovations

 In Dreamland last night, two things were apparent. 

One, we are all interconnected. In Dreamland, Kat had married and was quite happy with Karen's ex-husband (yes, my Karen!). We socialized often, and one night they took us to a very special restaurant. 

Two, we all flow in the same direction. The restaurant was three stories tall, which made the clearing of tables and other "material" (think bathrooms) from each floor to the sewer tricky. So, the owners of the restaurant were proud to show us their innovative system--a series of troughs and slides that sent everything from the uppermost floors to the basement. It was disgustingly brilliant. 

To sum up:  we are interconnected and we all flow the same way.

The end.

I Suck Totally...in Australia!

 Last night in Dreamland, I was challenged...and failed...on many levels while vacationing in Australia.

 

 

 

 

 

We were vacationing with the families of pregnant Princess Diana, 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and pregnant Gal Gadot.

 

 

 

Hey, it was MY dream. So yeah, weird, but you already knew my mind was like that! 

Anyway, we were outside, it was warm, and the two women were giving endless interviews. They looked miserable, so I asked if I could help. I asked each one in turn if I could get them something to drink, and they both said, with relief, "Yes! Could you get me a glass of juice and a glass of [   ] <--no idea what they were asking for!

So I loaded my young son and his equally young friend in the car, and set off. I had no idea where there was a grocery store, and had no money, so we just drove straight down the road from the house we were staying at (which I thought was brilliant). My young son (about age 4) fortunately had his credit card with him, so we withdrew 100 Australian somethings (later to find out that was probably the equivalent of $500 but I digress).

There were NO grocery stores on this stretch of road, but we finally spotted a convenience store. I was only "going to be a minute", so I left the kids in the car and ran in. Oh yeah, I failed this motherhood test.

Fortunately the store was empty, so I begged the clerk to help me find that drink that pregnant women like. "OH!" she said, "You mean Gee! Pregnant women who can't drink alcohol love this stuff!" She took me to the section--there were about 15 flavors and 5 different varieties. I grabbed 3 or 4, grabbed some juice, and headed to the deserted check-out. Halfway through the checkout process, I remembered the kids in the car, and told the clerk I just wanted to grab some ice lollies too (figured Australia would be like England and call popsicles that). I ran over, grabbed the assorted pack, and when I got back to the checkout, it was of course jam-packed. I stood there waiting and waiting and waiting, then noticed the ice lollies in my hand were, while "assorted", all one color! I hoped they wouldn't melt while I waited (no thought to the kids in the car), knew I was failing pregnant Princess Diana and pregnant Gal Gadot, and was never so glad to wake up!

Even Karen, upon hearing the details of the dream, agreed I was a total failure in every respect in Australia.